Wish of memory loss

Dear Raine:

My life hasn't gotten better since the last time I wrote. Remember those images I told you about? Well, they've not eased off any and I made myself an ass a few hours ago.

I don't know what it is about this guy that makes me throw myself at him. Strange, I know. I am not the sort of woman to do that, I should have too much pride but with him it's as though I forget everything. And what did it take? Just a make out session.

Yes, I must be out of my mind. So as my God brother and our crew clubbed I sat in my corner just thinking of the whole thing. I promised this guy that I would do my best to leave him alone. I also promised him that everything would be alright and that we'd go back to being friends. Yet, I've been telling him how much I miss him and adding all sorts of provocative lines to our conversations. I'm sure I've earned the worst friend of the year award.

Earlier I could not even drink. I had a glass of wine, one light beer, a bottle of water and that was it for me. I felt so guilty about drinking. Yes, yes I know that even you can't believe it. What the hell is happening to me? You think that's bad old friend? Well get this. I admitted to the guy that he was the only one whose lips I wanted against mine and bla, bla, bla. It's needless to say he didn't believe that...what the hell is the happening to me.

Maybe I just imagined those things I think he made me feel. They don't exist. A woman does not get lost when a man touches her. Bullshit. I'll leave him alone for real now. I am not good for him. I am the wrong sort of female for someone like him. When I see him again I'll make sure that he gets his friend back.

I've been praying for him more than myself this last week. I really hope God has been listening. I'm sure that he won't let me corrupt his innocent child. I'm sure that God will protect him from me. Now, well I'm not so sure how to deal with this anymore. The only choice I've left is to forget. I've a wish for memory loss.

Your friend,

who needs divine intervention.

Yesterday

Dear Raine:

I am tired of these images in my head. They make me feel things that aren't right. They make me want, and want and want! I could kill these images. Fucking kill them I tell you!

Do you remember when we were children? Remember how afraid I was of the dark? And how terrified I was of being lost? Well, I could do with some light now. I wouldn't mind a new brain either. Preferably a brain that will refuse to process these fucking images.

And do you remember what a control freak I used to be? Yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking. I'm still a sucker for control. Well, would you believe I lost it for a few minutes yesterday. Now, I really shouldn't go thinking of yesterday...but Raine, you remember how I could never resist  a chance to beat the boys at anything, well this is like that, I can't resist this particular yesterday.

I pray though, old friend, that I can resist the things in that yesterday.

The image? It's of dark coffee, spiked with rum and a hint of chocolate. You remember that drink? You remember the colour? Well picture that irresistible brew against the golden brown of my breast. Contrast. My image is of contrast. I loved it. I want it. I crave it like I crave our lightly creamed Irish Coffee.

But Raine, that yesterday cannot  be and I am stuck with this image. If the yesterday I cannot resist could be then I'd be lost, I think...but are we ever truly lost?

With much love,

the only woman,

closer to your heart,

than your Rose V

Oh Raine such enthusiasm!

My dearest Raine,

Oh love your concern warms my heart and the way you have taken care of me keeps me going. I too hate that I have the flu. But we just have to let it run its course and I'll be back to normal.

And darling let your exuberance shine through. You deserve to be happy, happy, happy and if that which cannot be discussed here makes you happy I say dive in, enjoy but do be cautious.

Anyway, I will keep this brief because as you know the cold still has me down. The only thing I seem to be thinking of is my bed and blanket and some cold meds. Why did I think I was well enough to come to work again?

As you know my weekend away was a blast and well can't wait for our weekend out together. I have been too long without spending time with you. Oh and I don't think you'd be that miserable without me.

What I do know is that my life would not be near as exciting as it is with you in it so it is I who am grateful that you're in my life. All the best in your new quest.

Yours Always,
Rose V

Rose V!

Rose, Rose, Rose!

Hell, heck, hell! I am soooooooooooooooooo happy tonight. I guess I'm riding one of my really high highs. This is too personal to discuss here. I'll tell you all about it though.

I'm glad you're back. It sucks that you're home with the flu. I missed you so much today. You know how boring our lives can get without each other. So sorry I didn't come over tonight. You know how work is always getting in my way. Choices...I'm working on making the right ones this year.

So I practiced a few of the things you were telling me about on the phone earlier. Man, did they work. You know, Rose, in so many ways you are the woman behind my success. I don't know what I'd do without you. Well maybe I do know what I'd do without you. I'd be miserable!

This is supposed to be just a short note to you. I want it to serve as a record of just how happy I can be sometimes. Even now I am feeling some of my old bitterness right at the edge of this happiness. I'll deal with it though. Happy, happy, happy! Rose, Rose, Rose! I love you!

Your Raine,

Always.

Rose V, my love

My sweetest Rose:

Now you know I don't do corny well but I'll try tonight. I'll try for you, my love.

Of course I'll miss you this weekend. Like I told you once before, knowing that the distance is there makes the difference. I'll call you at least twice a day until you're back. I just hope I don't catch you during an interesting moment.

Thank you for loving me so much. You have no idea how it feels to have someone like you love me...or maybe you do. It is you Rose V who has taught me that love isn't something I had imagined and that the fairy-tale-things are worth wanting in life.

Ignoring you...well I've got to know your moods don't I? If I didn't then we wouldn't be this close. I hope we never have a falling out as you put it. In fact, I can assure you that we won't. I'll always know when to back off and give you space to chill.

You know that empty feeling I've complained about? The one that makes me such an attention seeker sometimes? Well you almost fill it, Rose. Now this is my turn to my corny: you make me whole Rose. When I'm with you, my love, I forget the past pains and I remember to live.

I've gotten so much from you Rose that all I can do is love you as much as I can and let you win all the petty fights we have. Anything, anything at all to keep you in my life.

I wish you all the best for the weekend. I hope you'll create some happy memories. Well, I'm not sure how our schedules will go tomorrow. If we manage the time then I'll see you tomorrow afternoon. Most likely, you'll have to drag me out of bed.

Until then, my darling, you'll be close to my heart.

Your Raine,

Now and Forever. Always.

Why I love you

My dearest Raine,

My darling how are you doing my love? Do you realise that I have not written you in a while? Therefore I am going to take this time that I am passing in this office because I don't want to go home to an empty house to tell you why I love you.

I can tell you many things but I feel it is time I publicly announce to the internet world how I feel for you. Although I still am of the belief that not a lot of the internet world follows us.

The first reason I love you is because you indulge pointless letters much like this one. You indulge me my dear like I indulge on chocolate and ice-cream. Now I know that these things are not good for me but isn't that what indulgence is after all?

My dearest this over indulgence of yours brings me to the second reason why I love you. I love the way you ignore me. I know you are probably thinking, "What the f#@$?" (Well you know how I feel about using those dirty words.)

Yes I said ignore. Let me tell you why I love the way you ignore me. Because of your ignorance we have not had any major falling out. You ignore me when I am being a bitch and I ignore you when you're...well I ignore you at times too.The beautiful thing is you already know this.

And the third and final reason I love is because you are going to read this missive smile and tell me that you think it is funny and you like it and so forth and such. When in actuality just like me you are wondering why I even bothered to pen you this. My dear the third reason I love you is because you always find the good in the things I do even if it is hard to find it in the first place.

Well my dearest, since I cannot lie to you, I wrote this seemingly senseless blog for several reasons. Firstly because I will not be around for the weekend and I will miss you terribly and so I want to leave something for you to remember me by regardless of the fact that we will be in contact via the phone the entire time of our separation.

Secondly, and this is the reason why I actually started this corny and crappy piece, because I am here wasting time in the hopes that my date (and for those of you who may be confused, Raine and I have an open relationship) will hurry his ass up so I can leave this place.

This brings me to the end of my note and I wish you all the best my dearest and I really do love you! Hugs and kisses till we meet again.

Write soon,
Yours always,
Rose V

I missed you too

My Dearest Raine,

How your letter warms my heart. And sweetheart I know you have a big loving heart that beats a thousand beats. It is merely bleeding a little but that will soon heal. I will not let you bleed out!

Thank you for your sympathy too. Rest assured that I have thought about you every minute of the two days that we were apart. I guess I need to go away more to know how appreciated I am.

And darling speak not of death for it is not your time. You are young, you will get through this heartache. Even if you don't you've got me always.

As for the sterling idea, it is capital! (LOL, I feel a little old english).Well my darling now that I am back I want no talk of death and dying. What will be will be but for now you are writing a masterpiece and I want first read.

Yours always,

Rose V

For Rose V

Rose V:

You are as close to my heart (if I've still got one) as any of the people I'd shed tears for.

This comforting hell hole that I spend most of my days in is transforming itself. I'm not sure what it's becoming but I know it's time for me to go. Move on. It scares me when I think of how much time I've let go by.

I share your pain on the passing of your grandpa; reminds me of when I lost mine.

Death. I've been thinking about it a lot lately.

Why can't I still be 3? Back then I believed we lived forever and that dead people are just away on an extended vacation in heaven.

So I'm working on this great project of mine. I have to tell you all about it soon. I'll tell you one thing though, research is a pain in the ass.

R. Alexander

The Narrow Way

Carry on I heard you say.
Carry on your rugged and rough way.
Carry on and try never to go astray
For the reward of him who stays is great.
Carry on my child,
Carry on the narrow way!

It is not the time to break down,
I heard you say.
Fight the demons always
They will eventually go away.
Break down now?
No never!
The hills are visible in the distance far away
Keep on striving and you will get there.
It is not the time to break down
Not when you are so near.

Do not forget I heard you say.
That a reward is at the end
For those who stay on the narrow way.
Do not forget the peace that awaits you there
Nor the joys that you will share.
In the paradise that draws near,
Your blessings will be great.

 Dedicated to the man who let me call him Grandpa for most of my life. He lived an admirable life and now I am sure that he is in paradise. May his soul find eternal peace. Love always, Rose V

Dear Rose V

Dear Rose V:

So I see you've risen from your sexless period with a sexed up piece (the letter). I like it by the way.

And dude, I've got balls so I won't get overly dramatic and pull our blog down just because no one reads it.

I tend to be an optimist most times and I believe as many people as we want will be sucking on this soon. Just the other day one of our colleagues was telling me how mellow I've become. Scary, eh?

You see, Rose, fame is not what I seek from this little project of ours. I'm not saying that I wouldn't welcome fame though.

I, my friend, am one of writing's many lovers and this is how I make love to my lover. This blog is not for shallow asses who have nothing better to do than pick on our passion. No it is for you, Rose; it is for me; it is for us to share with each other and people we care to show this part of ourselves.

This, Rose, is perhaps our first step to fame. You see, my dear friend, this is how I enhance my love making skills. This is how I will learn, word by word, to be a worthy lover of writing.

Well, now that I have all those sinfully emotional thoughts out of my head I feel like a woman! (I was about to say fool but what's the difference really? I'll be dealing with this in a later post so please don't respond to it!)

Thank you for starting this new culture. You see? I did learn one good thing about what is perhaps a woman's worst trait. I learnt that by nagging constantly you can get anyone, if they don't murder you first, to do brilliant things!

Yours Sincerely,

R. Alexander

My Dearest Raine

Dear Raine,

I must apologise for not blogging since...well for not blogging in a while. Even though you've been on me to do it for...well for a while.

You see this is what happened: I have been working on what I thought was this really awesome super witty blog and then I got stuck and I decided to scrap the blog. Because really who reads our blog anyway?

Now don't you go feeling bad and think we should take our blog down because somewhere out there, there are people reading. And you do post some hilarious shit! A bit on the mean side sometimes but definitely hilarious.

Yes but as I was saying I hit this block and I thought and I thought and I thought some more about what to write that would live up to our name. You know I really wanted whoever reads this to "suck on it". But then I couldn't come up with something.

And then it hit me! Not like light bulb going ding hit me but like suck up apology that everybody can read hit me. And think of what a genius idea it is? My suck up apology comes in as a perfect blog and there is some sucking involved like we named this blog! Pure genius ain't it?

So my dearest Raine I killed two birds with one stone and then some. You must be so proud of me? But I already know that so I know that you're reading this and smiling and thinking, "She did me proud!"

And for those who do take the time to read this and think I'm full of myself let me tell you. First I am (but in a good way) and second if you don't like this or have some nasty thought then all I have to say to you is: SUCK ON IT!

Sorry about that Raine,love, I just had to get it out because you know there are some really mean people out there. People, few though they be that read this, who are mean and have mean thoughts and I just had to address them.

But anyway, my dearest Raine I have to be going. I just wanted to do my duty as a contributor to this blog and to offer you a public suck up, I mean apology, to not doing my duty. Do take care of yourself my dear and do not take to heart the contents of this letter because really its motive is mostly selfish.

Yours sincerely,

Rose V