I'm Back!

I haven't blogged in...in a very long time. But I've been inspired to take up the cause again because really what else can I do in the morning when no one would take my calls?

Ok so maybe it is not really inspiration that has led to my blogging again. A mix of boredom, some time on my hands (yes I'm at work but don't tell anyone) led me to this sight. So I thought I'd provide something for someone out there in blog world to suck on. (Mind you I'm still skeptical that anyone even follows our blog but hey, I'm an optimist!)

Now honestly, I'm stuck! That is why I haven't been blogging much. Really you know it's like I have this period where I write and then I hit these dry spells and no matter how hard I try I can't really think of what to write about.

So now I'm really just rambling on. I'm at work, I have nothing to do (well nothing that I want to do) and I had this great idea for a blog and it went through the window after the second paragraph.

But the point is I'm back to blog world! At this point: Helloooo Raine! Darling how are you doing?
I'm not going to make any flowering promise to blog everyday but I will TRY to blog....as often as I can.

Cherrios!!

Lost

I'm sitting here in this office. All sorts of thoughts flicker through my mind. The mind - I have long since learnt - is the hardest thing to tame. How do I benefit from all these things rushing through this head of mine?

So it's established that I've been thinking and thinking and thinking. But to what end? Who knows? I think I might be a little lost. Where do I go from here? Where will I be in a couple of years? I know that I can't just sit here and wait for things to happen.

Yet, I just can't seem to move. Lost, lost, lost! I refuse to be!

Work - The woman God will never make

After complaining to everyone I spoke with last night about how much I missed work I am now convinced that I'm a workaholic.

I guess it's not so bad. If this is how I get my rush then this is just how I get my rush! This morning I slipped out of bed and oh hell did I feel wonderful. Having a sense of purpose is very important to me. Knowing that I make a difference in this world and that I have the power to trigger change keeps me ticking faster than I should.

Oh this is my life! My wonderful life. My life of bliss filled with work. Yes! This is the life.

Work is like the woman God will never make. Work will always be interesting, caring, rewarding and won't ever create a heart in a heartless creature just to break it.

Image Info:

Title: The Perfect Woman

Source: http://www.i26.photobucket.com/

On days like these

On days like these the only thing I look forward to is my bed, pillow, music and a dark room with a door. I just want to lock myself inside and forget the world outside.

On days like these I am a bitch and I'm always the pessimist refusing to believe that there is anything to believe in. I just want to be alone in a dark room. A room that matches my attitude.


On days like these I think of dying. This is how bad I feel on days like these. Now I don't believe in committing suicide but I do think it would be lovely if I didn't exist. I just want that black nothingness surrounding me much like my bed sheet.

On days like these the only thing I look forward to is my bed, pillow, music and a dark room with a door. I just want to lock myself inside and forget the world outside.

Fear of Intimacy?

I've been told that I'm good with people. I have good people's skills they tell me. And it's a good fucking thing too since I need those skills to do my job.

However, being able to talk people out of information doesn't make me as good with people as everyone seems to think. Hell, I don't even call my mother for fear of disturbing her. A shrink (a relative) told me once that I fear rejection and intimacy. What the fuck?

Fear of rejection? Fear of intimacy? That shrink needs a fucking shrink. I just don't like disturbing people and I certainly don't want to risk being thought of as a pest. Besides, it's the age of technology. So I'm more inclined to text and email. In fact, only the very few people in my personal circle spend any sort of time on the phone with me. I'm a considerate person and I've got manners. So again, fuck you shrink!

Well, I don't my aunt the shrink will be reading this. Well aunty if some wicked cousin or the other sends this to you then all I can say is...I'm not sorry and you can still fuck off!

Image Info:

Source: http://www.seykota.com/

Title: Intimacy

The Joys of an Insomniac!

As I spend another sleepless night tossing and turning and watching the shadows chase each other across the roof of my room, swirling and melting creating a halo above my bed, the quiet hum of the sparse traffic whizzing past my window adds to the medley of my insomniac night.

Soon I’ll be joined by my night time friend who will keep me company as I waste the night away. For really what else can a hopelessly antisocial and secretively obsessive compulsive person suppose to do? Sure there is reading but really the last thing I need is to be further lost in my mind and fantasy.

 “So what now,” asks my night time friend? Yes only I can bore even my night time friend who by the way is currently faceless. I usually add a face to the person I talk to in my head. You’d probably be concerned that I’m showing signs of craziness but rest assured that I’m not it’s just another of my weird quirks. And yes I’m a little on the weird side but I like to think that is what makes me unique. I quite frankly don’t care what others think.

Now back to my night time friend. It doesn’t have a name because well then I’d actually be crazy. But it keeps me company as I forever try to catch the ever elusive sleep. I share many adventures with my night time friend until somewhere along the way sleeps decides to be merciful and return to me. There are times when I don’t have my night time friend to keep me company at those times I pass the time either reading or turning to mush whatever remaining brain molecules I have by watching television.

Luckily tonight I have my night time friend who’s now bored because I’m captivated by the display on my bedroom roof. Truth be told though I not sure I am able with this routine anymore. And that is basically what it is.

I come home after whatever kind of day I had and count down the hours to bed time by either reading or watching television. I could call a friend but I honestly do not have the sustenance to keep up with whatever it is they are saying.

The conversation would eventually become one sided with me putting in the appropriate “Hmmm”, “Oh okay”, “I don’t know...” or some other very basic very typical reply that suggests I’m paying keen attention and not thinking of ways to get off the phone without being offensive.

By this time I’ve eventually come with an excuse about how I’m needed by my mother; I really don’t know how to say I don’t want to talk anymore. So you see calling the handful of people I call friends is dreadfully consuming for me.

At this early in the evening I don’t summon my night time friend, like I said I’m not crazy and since we talk in my head and that requires a lot of concentration as well, I wait until I am in bed trying to lure sleep my way. In the meantime I’m at home with my family who most time I’d rather be away from. The bedlam that a mother, one pre pubescent and a toddler cause is enough to really send someone crazy.

Alas, that is how I spend my nights. Tip toeing on the verge of insanity and losing myself in fantasy. Of course there are those unholy lengthy nights when I die a thousand deaths from boredom. And to come full circle I end up on my bed again losing myself in the intricate play of shadow on my bedroom roof, boring my night time friend and thinking of ways to convince sleep to grant me the reprieve of a good night’s sleep. Oh the joys of an insomniac!

Stagnant Period

Writing is not as easy as we all think. Or rather the inspiration we need to write doesn't come by easily.

Before I started blogging I was always telling my friends they need to blog more. Today, I understand exactly why their blogs have stagnant periods.

With a demanding job, a drama filled life and a thousand other things to do, where do we find the time? Oh sure I find the time every now and again but it's then that I have no inspiration.

Sleep. The one thing I don't seem to get enough of no matter what I try.

The point of this? There's none. I'm just rambling, pretending that I have something to say.

De Motivation Man fuh de last time!

So I didn't tell you about Dr. Myles Munroe Saturday night. So I broke my promise. Big fucking deal.

Image Source: http://www.empirewire.com/

You see, the thing is, after I got home I realised that the good doctor really isn't as good as he seems to be. All he really does is find an entertaining way to tell us dumb people things we already know.

I mean, come on, dear Dr. Munroe could've told the Guyanese men a lot more than he did.

Individuals in public offices with personal ambition are not true leaders, Munroe said, but leeches. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We already know that we have parasites controling our country's future. We don't need to hear it in joke-form from you!

Oh my, so I sound as though I didn't enjoy Myles? Oh I did. Brilliant man with lots of balls. Who else would look at the acting President and tell him to write this twice: "Persons in public offices with personal ambitions are not leaders but leeches!"

De Motivation Man

So I see my good friend Raine told you about the mouthful and then some we were given to suck yesterday. (Oh my does this sentence not have a wicked connotation? It wasn't intended.)

Yes, the good Doctor did give us something to think hard and long about. For me the thing that got me sucking hard and long is the fact that he said that the thing that makes you angry that is your gift. Now I'm left wondering WTF makes me angry?

You see I have a book of his that I started reading and that is as far as I got. After his little speech yesterday it got me thinking that maybe I should finish that book. The book is suppose to help me find what my purpose is and after that confusing statement that had me wondering I started thinking that maybe I should finish that book.

Isn't it funny how at one time in your life you had everything figured out and then you're left wondering a few years later what the hell happened to that person? At one time I had it all figured out and now here I am seeking my way back to that thing; that time when I was secure in what it was that I have to do before I join the community of the wealthy.

This is a little too much to be telling a bunch of strangers so I'll end it here leave the rest to Raine so she can add her two cents.

De Motivation Man

I'm all fired up and I'm very tired. This is not the vision I had of my Friday night. However, though I'm not a believer, I suppose my night got screwed for my long-term happiness.

I was destined to sit in the gully-side of the National Cultural Centre listening to Dr. Myles Munroe deliver one of his powerful motivational speeches. Tonight it was all about leadership, its purpose; how we know our purpose in life and how we can determine whether we are true leaders.

Well, hell did Dr. Munroe give me something to think about. If it weren't for the lady screaming behind me I'd get up and shout: Yes! Yes, doctor! Most of what the good doctor said made a whole lot of sense. It was so scary.

I promise to tell you all about it tomorrow night. The Seeker, Rose, was with me tonight. If she beats me to it then no problem. I can tell you, the good Dr. Munroe, gave us both enough to suck on! Let's just say de motivation man Docta Munroe give me and De Seeker a craw full.

Craig Old Road

I took a walk today.  I walked along my street just after 12pm. It reminded me of why I love living where I do. The sun was as hot as it usually is but it was the only constant thing. I didn't, until then, realise just how much Craig Village had changed.

One of the older houses located at the southern end of Craig Old Road, East Bank Demerara. On the right is a walkway which leads to the Public Road and bus shed. The Demerara River is located across the Public Road. (Photo taken 12 January 2010 by R. Alexander)

I know change is continuous but it never fails to shock me.

I saw an old house (in photo above). It is one of the few old structures still existing on the Old Road. I stood there staring. This house reminded me of the old days; my grandfather before he died; my family back when we were all together. It reminded me of "dabbing" the bottom house with "cow dung"; something I watched my cousins do. I miss those days.

Even the Old Road itself has changed. The rough thoroughly potholed surface is now solid, smooth, black asphalt riddled with huge speed bumps.

I've learnt that change, like life, never brings us the things we expect.

This is what the Craig Old Road looks like now. (Photo taken 12 January 2010 by R. Alexander)

I almost broke my ass then had a dowdy day

So I fell off my bed this morning.

I did lots of falling today. Kissing my bedroom floor first thing in the morning is not my usual way of starting the day. Then I slip in the shower and fall flat on my ass. Did that hurt? What the fuck do you think?

After two falls in less than 15 minutes I headed straight for the coffee pot. Now, do you really wanna hear what happened in the kitchen? My damn towel fell off. I always hated the colour pink.

So after flashing most of my family my assets I grabbed the first set of clothes I could find. I was already more than an hour late for work. Yes, I am one of those special people who work on Sundays.

I strut in the office - I never care when I'm late - and the first thing my boss wants to know is why I look so DOWDY and DINGY. Ha! He's lucky I did any work at all today!

I went on a wild goose chase this afternoon then betrayed someone - I'll be hearing all about that tomorrow - and now I don't know what the hell to do! I had a dowdy damn day. I can't believe almost breaking my ass is the most excitement I've had all day!

Image Info:

Title - African American Man Slipping on a Bar of Soap

Description - Clip Art

Source - www.clipartguide.com